How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
