I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
