Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
