You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
