ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
