Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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