sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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