Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
