I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
