in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
