I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize