So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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