Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
