Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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