omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
