What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
