where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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