I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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