woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
