Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
