So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
