there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
