and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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