She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
