My hand turned me down
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize