No subtext here. People are naked.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
