come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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