i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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