hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I will be naked everywhere
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
