Only a mothe r could love this liver
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
