youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
