I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you had me at cake vodka
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
