My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
where are my eyebrows?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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