yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
