Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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