I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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