I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You peed on a flamingo?!?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
