I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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