I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize