I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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