and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm bleeding and have questions
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
