You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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