I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sober January is a disaster.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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