how can u be prego again
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
