Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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