Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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