Nicole vs. Life
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
