We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
