This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
