I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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