my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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