When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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