i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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