Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
