I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize