Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
