I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Send help, water and tortillas.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
