I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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