I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
