did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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