just tell him i said nine months
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize