nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Is it penis luge time yet?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize