chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
