Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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