arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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