I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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