yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
a search helicopter?!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
