He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
