WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
