Please, let me fuck your mom
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
