dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
