I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize