i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
