I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
