You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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