guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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