hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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