Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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