that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
