He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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