there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
