Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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