By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
