It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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