Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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