the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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