i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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