What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
