I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
