I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
