I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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