You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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