This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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