Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
