my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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