if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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