Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
