I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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