I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I came so hard my ears popped.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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