Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
