who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
