Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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