Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
