Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My dick has a subreddit
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
