We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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