I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Me. At least after what I've been through.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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