Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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