Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
